The core of one’s being…

Is polyamory like sexual orientation, a deep trait felt to be at the core of one’s being? Would a polyamorous person feel as incomplete without multiple partners as a lesbian or gay person might feel without one?


There is no real simple answer to this question, but I think it’s a damn good question. All I can say is it doesn’t matter how many people you love or what the sex is of the person you love, it’s when you take the ability away from a person to love who and how they want that is the core issue here. It’s not about having to have more than one partner, it’s about the freedom, openness, honesty and ability to have more than one if we meet more than one person we love or care about. It’s about knowing I am capable of loving more than one person and acting on the feelings that might come up with no guilt or deceiving someone. Polyamory for me is apart of who I am. It is what I believe. If you take that right away from me to love who I want and how I want, I WILL fight back and just as hard as any gay or lesbian person. The feeling and identity is a right. It is WHO I am and when you tell me I can’t be who I am, that’s where I draw the line.

Quite honestly, I am unsure how I feel about the legislation part of Poly when it comes to being legally allowed to marry more than one person. With that law, I do understand and accept why it’s in place. I DO NOT agree with gay marriage not being legal, though. That I am whole heartedly against. However, when it comes to being allowed to marry more than one person legally, I am unsure of my stance on that. What I am talking about here is where I stand with the right to love someone, no matter who they are and how many.

LGBT rights hold a special place in my heart for a lot of reasons as well. One being I am bisexual, and that is a part of who I am, so to tell me it’s wrong to love someone of the same sex and try to make something illegal you consider immoral is an issue for me. When you try to make love about law, when will the line be drawn? It honestly scares me where that line might end up. Not just because I’m bisexual, but because I am Poly as well.

I will admit some people do tend to just slip into this lifestyle, are forced into it or stumble into it. But in the ones that choose to be here and honestly are Poly, I have found that they all say the same thing. They have felt this way their whole life but have either been told it was morally and ethically wrong or they had no clue it existed as a life with other people who feel the same way. To that I will say it’s because we don’t educate enough. Not about homosexuality, bisexuality, kink, polyamory….the list goes on. There are so many things society is not educated about in this world and it saddens and frightens me. Its because people aren’t educated that we get judged or worse…among so many other reasons.

So I can’t sit here and tell you it is how we identify with ourselves from birth, because I haven’t met many that say they started out feeling this way. I do know that some say they have a burning feeling they can’t explain their whole lives until they find this lifestyle. So maybe it is at the core of one’s being. Maybe it isn’t. I can’t say for sure, nor am I willing to admit either way. What I know about myself is that I did feel like something was there my whole life, but I never knew what it was. When I even thought about loving more than one person at a time, I felt guilty and like it was wrong because that was what I was taught growing up. It is ingrained into most of us that it’s morally and ethically wrong. Some of us get shown a different world and learn that we need to make our own opinions and decisions for our own happiness. I admit, I railed against it at first because I hadn’t made my own conclusions, but only those that someone else fed me. This seems to be the story with a lot of Poly folk.

But really, the point is regardless if it’s a part of our core being or not, you’re still talking about censoring who we can love and how. You’re still talking about mixing love and law and neither of these should have to do with the other. Point is, love is a part of our core being and it’s as simple as that, no matter how we love or who. What people don’t understand is that while we may have a choice to be monogamous or polyamorous, the wrong choice can make us feel just as unhappy or make us feel like we are lying to ourselves and others.

About Ethical Slut

I'm a poly, kinky, bisexual, Ethical Slut that rides the swinger line. I am a huge advocate for being who you are openly with no apologies. I am just trying to help the world understand like minded people like myself one word at a time. This is the poly and kink world for people like you and me!

Posted on February 1, 2012, in Bisexual, Polyamory and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. We are what we are. As long as we bring no hurt to others, there is no harm in being so. Most of the morality around sexuality is merely points of view.

  2. In the vein of legislation, I’m more of the opinion that government shouldn’t be involved in any civil contact between any consenting adults regardless of genders, number or any other factor. Even in the realm of Polygamy laws….we are so intent on protecting others that we become nannies to those that need to take their own decisions and lives in hand. Plus, once something is established, laws tend to go too far. If a contract is needed, it must be created by and for the parties it is meant to secure and protect without the interference of a Christian-biased body who has no stake in the outcome.

  3. I have to say I agree completely. Although, I do see the benefit in the laws against multiple marriages, but only for protecting those that aren’t aware of the multiple marriages. But I do agree that we do go too far when we try to protect those that need to be protected. I do believe if everyone is aware and consenting then the law shouldn’t have a say in it. Hence my argument on love and law shouldn’t be in bed together. It’s why I’m on the fence about certain marriage laws being in place or not.

    • I still don’t think that there should be laws when it comes to bigamy. Again, that isn’t a matter for criminal courts. If the contract between two people calls for monogamy/exclusivity of contract/disclosure of other marriage contacts, then breach of those terms is a civil court matter and should be resolved with a lawsuit….not jail time.

      • I can agree with that completely, actually. You’ll get no argument here from me about that.

      • I do agree that there should be laws protecting children, but they need to be uniform and consistent. As it stands now, the age of consent varies between 16 and 18 depending on the state. It’s not even consistent when it comes to gender…

        “The U.S. Supreme Court has held that stricter rules for males do not violate the equal protection clause of the Constitution, on the theory that men lack the disincentives (associated with pregnancy) that women have, to engage in sexual activity, and the law may thus provide men with those disincentives in the form of criminal

        There doesn’t have to be specific laws in regards to marriage and minors. Just a consistent law about at what age a minor may enter into a contract.

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