Weakness or Strength
I have been getting to know quite a few new people lately. In that process we tell our own stories a lot of the time. We discuss history and the past. Sometimes that history and past isn’t so pretty. It can be full of pain, discomfort, vulnerabilities and mistakes. Not for all of us, but some of us have stories like that. What I have found is its a matter of how you view these stories in your future and your present life that matter. And I have been thinking a lot about this lately for a lot of reasons. Partly because I am scared of sharing all of me sometimes, because I am afraid of getting hurt. I am also afraid of being judged.
I used to see my past pains and stories as scars. I felt the world needed to know my scars right away so they could see how damaged I was and worthless. But when I took a good hard look at myself I realized these stories were not scars but strengths. When I was able to view them as such my whole life came together and began to make sense and I became the woman I always admired and dreamed I could be. Our stories do not make us damaged and worthless but more complex, whole and stronger if we let them. We are more admirable if we see this in ourselves….and if we see it, won’t others? However, I still often worry that when I share these parts of me and how I reacted to it all then the people I am getting to know and care about might be secretly judging me and seeing me as weak. It’s hard not to feel vulnerable about our past and the pain we’ve felt or are feeling at any given time. But if we can focus not only on the happiness we’ve encountered as well and realize that if we’d just take a moment to learn from our pain and mistakes we can overcome and be stronger for it.
By allowing myself to be emotional and open up to someone to come inside my walls I am not being weak, I am taking a chance and allowing myself to trust someone else and that takes so much courage and strength. I am allowing this person to see me for who and what I am. I am showing them the building blocks of how I got where I am and where I am in that given moment. Sharing that is not being damaged, worthless or weak…it is being amazing, beautiful and proud of me. It is not showing my scars but showing my beauty and strength. I am not ashamed to share my past and when I have been weak. Because those moments are what make me stronger and more beautiful. That pain is what has brought me to be who I am today. Had I not accepted it and chosen to see it as strength I would not be here today.
There are so many of us that find opening up to others as showing cracks in our walls and foundation. I have found this to not be the case. While we should be able to be alone with ourselves and love our selves first, we should also allow others inside our walls, for we can not live this life alone. Sometimes we need help and support when we feel weak. Allowing others to help us through our hard times is very often needed in everyone’s life. If we do not let someone see our moments of need, then how can we possibly feel loved and cared for? How can we feel connected to people? If we do not open up and let someone know we love them and care for them by sharing ourselves with them, then aren’t we not only cheating ourselves but them as well? Aren’t we only giving them a small part of us that is superficial rather than every corner of us….even the dark ones?
Posted on September 30, 2012, in Personal, Polyamory, Writing and tagged Communication, Confidence, Expectations, Getting together, Growing and Learning, Individuality, Personal Experience, Personal Note, Real Life, Relationships, Trust, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.