Coming out to anyone in any form is hard to do. It doesn’t matter how you are coming out or who you are coming out to. If you are lucky enough to have amazing people in your life that make it easy, cherish that. Not all of us have that in our lives.
The fears of coming out are very valid fears. We are afraid of being shunned and disowned. We are afraid of losing our friends and family. We are afraid of being judged and thus having respect and trust torn away. The relationships we build in our lives are important to us. So when we keep something from the people we love, finally realize something about ourselves or finally admit something to ourselves, its hard to share that life altering thing that we know most of society looks down on with someone that means so much to us. Especially when we are unsure how they are going to react. But I believe it’s also about learning that who and what we are is okay. It’s about believing in ourselves and realizing that if it makes us happy and we aren’t being hurt or hurting anyone while doing it, then to each their own. Sometimes being honest with ourselves is the hardest type of truth to be told. Because I’ll be the first to tell you, being proud of who and what you are and not letting anyone get to you is difficult sometimes, especially when you are putting yourself out there at first.
The first person I came out to was my little brother. He knows pretty much all there is to know about me and I have always trusted him with that. But I remember coming out to him and it was scary, even though I knew I could trust that he would love me and still think highly of me. His remarks were exactly what I expected of him…”If it makes you happy, sis….who am I or anyone else to judge if you aren’t hurting others?” Regardless, I still had this nagging fear in the back of my head that maybe, just maybe me coming out to him like that was going to be too much for him to handle. That maybe he wouldn’t trust me anymore or love the same. It doesn’t matter how much you know someone, or how much you think you know what their reaction is going to be…you’ll still fear the worst. And I will admit I feared the worst with my mother as well.
For four, close to five years, I would never admit to my mom that I was Polyamorous. She knew something was different about my relationships and constantly asked me about them. I was so scared of admitting it to her, so I lied for years. She is a very religious person and hearing some of the things I’ve heard her say my entire life made me scared she would not love me the same, that our relationship was going to suffer. But I underestimated not only her, but her big heart and how much love she had for me. She was hurt that I had lied to her for so long and felt I couldn’t tell her. And yeah, because of her beliefs and how she sees relationships, it did break her heart a little because she didn’t understand. And even if to this day she doesn’t understand, she still tries. She doesn’t say anything negative to me about it and lets me talk to her about it a lot. Because I finally admitted to who and what I am to her and showed her the type of love I am capable of, she and I have become closer and she has truly been there for me through a lot since. She’s even met someone I was dating and really liked him.
The point is, I don’t want anyone to feel like who or what they are isn’t good enough for the people they love. I also think everyone should give their loved ones a chance. Don’t underestimate them. Take a chance on them, and if you do lose them, or a part of them, they didn’t really love YOU. And that is hard to admit and be okay with, don’t get me wrong. But you are the bigger and better person for being honest with yourself and them, no matter what the outcome.
Posted on August 17, 2012, in Bisexual, Personal, Polyamory, Swinging and tagged Beliefs, Bisexual, Change, Coming Out, Communication, Confidence, Expectations, Growing and Learning, Individuality, Open Relationship, Personal Experience, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.