A helpful (and amusing) tool…

Considering we just did a “When dating…” post I thought this would be appropriate to post as well. Something that is rather serious and something I swear one day I will use, but something that made me giggle a little too. A form for when you get those online emails or messages from random Trolls or douches. This is from Zenocrate again (our guest writer for the “Passing along some intellectual ideas” post earlier), something she advised when posted it could be used and adjusted as needed. I have taken what she put together and tweaked it a bit by adding a few things. So as she has said, please use it at your will and tweak how you want it.

Dear____________

Your recent email has been deemed completely unacceptable for the following reason(s) (check all that apply):

___It was so badly written I have no idea what you’re actually saying.

___You OBVIOUSLY didn’t read my profile.

___It was clearly wank fodder.

___You assumed because I list myself as submissive/masochistic/dominant/sadistic I am your submissive/masochist/dominant/sadist, and made demands that should only be made after a relationship exists.

___You assumed because I list myself as bisexual/kinky/poly that I will fuck you or anything that asks me to.

___You attached a picture of your penis and/or of you masturbating.

___You asked me for a nude picture.

___You called me names and/or told me what you’d do to me as if I’d given you permission.

___You describe things that are physically dangerous and/or immoral (example, being locked in a cage for weeks, having children to raise as slaves) with no hint that this was a fantasy.

___You suggested/demanded/pleaded that I strip on cam/come to meet you/ give you contact information immediately.

As part of a study of fucktard behavior, I, along with others, am trying to determine the reasons behind emails like yours. Therefore, please take our short survey. Thanks for participating!

When I sent the email I knew it was pathetic and offensive: Yes/No

If Yes, please answer question 1. If No, please answer question 2.

Question 1: Please check off the reason(s) you sent the email, even knowing it was offensive

___I was bored and your picture was hot

___Sending offensive emails is my kink

___I hate women so sending offensive emails makes me feel good

___I fear women so sending offensive emails makes me feel powerful

___I’m a DOM damnit and someday I’ll find a real submissive woman who understands that offensive emails demonstrate my domliness

___Other (please explain)

Question 2: Please check off the reason(s) why you didn’t realize the email was offensive

___I’ve never interacted with a real kinky/bisexual/poly woman so I’m working from online porn stories

___I’ve never interacted with a real kinky/bisexual/poly woman so I’m working from my own fantasies

___My last girlfriend liked it when I said/did these things so I figured all kinky/bisexual/poly women like the same things and don’t mind them (or even want them) as a very first contact.

___I send out dozens of emails a day, all the same, hoping someone will respond, so I don’t have time to tailor my email to an individual

___I’m just being honest about my kinks. Why do women have to be so bitchy and demand to be treated like real people instead of just offering me the instant, meaningless sex/play I want!

___Wait, my email was offensive? I poured my heart and soul into that email, describing everything I wanted in the perfect kinky/bisexual/poly woman! And I complimented your tits! What could be offensive in that!?

___Other (please explain)

About Ethical Slut

I'm a poly, kinky, bisexual, Ethical Slut that rides the swinger line. I am a huge advocate for being who you are openly with no apologies. I am just trying to help the world understand like minded people like myself one word at a time. This is the poly and kink world for people like you and me!

Posted on April 19, 2012, in Bisexual, Kink, Polyamory, Swinging, Written by others and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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