When dating…

This blog is mostly used for poly and non-monogamous subjects…but it’s also a blog about dating in general, sexuality, relationships and self respect. The list goes on for what I want this blog to be and stand for. But every once in a while it might be me giving you a little advice from my point of view. And right now that’s going to be the case…triggered by some current encounters I’ve had and my partner have had. So boys and girls listen up. This is advice about dating in general and what to do and not do when wanting to date someone. Again, this is my point of view, but I have found a lot of this is something most women and men have agreed upon with me. And keep in mind this all should be common sense and respect driven, but I have found it never is for some reason.

These things can go either to men or women…the list is mixed and somethings addressing both sexes.

1) Bringing up sex right off the bat and that being your only subject is not usually wise. Of course this is if the person isn’t just looking for just sex. When dating and getting to know someone this is a small part of who you are. We want to know you. We want to know more than just what your kink is or that you have a 10 inch cock.

2) Which brings me to our next point. We don’t want to know your penis size. If we did, we’d ask. And if we have to ask….more often than not….that chick is a size queen. I always say size doesn’t matter, if you know how to use what you have, THAT is what matters to me. This also goes the other way around. If a man wants to know your bra size he’ll ask. But a little advice to both parties would be don’t ask unless you know for a fact that such a question is open for discussion.

3) And that feeds into the fact that no…I do not what to see a picture of your cock or you coming. Again, if I did I would ask.

4) When you tell a woman like me (and I know many women that feel this way) that you are so good in bed that we are guaranteed to come over and over for hours because you can last all night…you’re going to get one of two things out of this. You’re either going to get the women to see this as a challenge to put you in your place…or you’re going to get eye rolls and we move on because of your arrogance and/or your lack to see the big picture. What we want is someone who can give us even just 10 to 20 minutes of fiery passion, ecstasy and meaning before we want someone who can last all night. We want all of what you have to give, doesn’t matter how long it lasts. And honestly…this can be addressed towards women as well. No matter who you are, give it all you have with as much honesty as you have. That’s what matters.

5) When someone has a job, kids, another partner or partners…..or all of the above…don’t assume that someone is going to be at your beck and call at all times. That they can and will drop everything just for you. Cause guess what? It’s not going to happen. Have patience and it will be returned when you need us to have it.

6) Be someone who people can count on. Don’t stand people up. Don’t say you’ll do something or be some where and just ignore it all in the end. Follow thru. Keep your promises. Don’t take people for granted.

7) Don’t pity yourself and have absolutely no self confidence. Know yourself, accept and love yourself or we can’t. It’s that simple.

8) BE YOURSELF! Don’t be something or someone you think that person wants you to be. We want to know YOU and like YOU…not something you’re not.

9) NEVER apologize for who you are.

10) As my partner has said, he believes in chivalry for chivalry’s sake. He believes it’s polite to take the check and do things for a women to convenience her and make her feel special, but the moment it’s expected…that is when it becomes and issue and pisses men off. That is when a man will not care anymore to do those things for you anymore. To at least offer to pay for yourself or you both once in a while is respectful and polite. To do something romantic for the guy is special and just as much deserved to be treated as well as you are. Romance, respect and caring goes both ways.

11) Don’t be the martyr and victim. Learn from mistakes and bad things that have happened to you and move on. Realize that not everyone is out to get you and that it’s not ALWAYS everyone else’s fault. And even if it is some else’s fault that you are hurt, learn to move on and grow stronger from the experience and realize that it’s up to YOU how you react to what someone says or does.

12) Don’t avoid your shit. Deal with your problems. Face your fears, your hang ups, your pain and your past. It’s all apart of who you and how you got where you are.

13) Passive aggressive behavior gets you no where. And neither does assuming anything. Speak. Ask. Communicate. Express what you’re feeling or thinking…if you don’t….no one can do anything about it and then you’re just the ass with no one left in your corner.

14) Don’t try to change people. What you get when you walk into a relationship is what you should fall in love with. There are times that our existence in someone’s life can make them better themselves, but never walk into anything expecting to change someone or wanting to. I question why people do that, I just don’t get it.

And if you are doing any Online dating, let me add a few specifics here….though some of the above apply to online dating too.

15) READ THE PROFILE! Holy crap I can’t express that enough. That is one of my biggest pet peeves in online dating. My profile might be long, but guess what? That means I care and put time into making sure you understand where I come from and a little about who I am so you’ll know if we will get along. Sure, you’re not going to know everything about me from a profile, but it’s a good start. If you don’t read it, I’ll know and I WILL call you out on it.

16) When you send someone a message or email, talk like a human being, please. This is a big pet peeve for me as well. I hate “text speak” and “leet speak”, it drives me mad. Make an effort to actually make a good impression and like you actually have some intelligence in there some where. I am not a grammar Nazi by far, I screw up my spelling and everything often, but at least I make the effort to write full words and sentences.

17) Say something a little more interesting than “You’re hot!” (or in reality it’s usually “ur hott!”). Make us want to message you back, look at your profile and want to get to know you better. Make them bite for the bait!

18) Respect what the profile says. They didn’t put it up there for no reason.

This list will probably be added to as time goes on,  but this are the things that come to mind right now. These are not “rules” per say, more advice that I think some people need to hear from the experience I’ve had.

About Ethical Slut

I'm a poly, kinky, bisexual, Ethical Slut that rides the swinger line. I am a huge advocate for being who you are openly with no apologies. I am just trying to help the world understand like minded people like myself one word at a time. This is the poly and kink world for people like you and me!

Posted on April 18, 2012, in Bisexual, Kink, Polyamory, Swinging and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. therighteousharlot

    Eeep – online contact sites really do bring ‘em out, don’t they? … x RH

    • Majority of this does come from experiences I or my partner have had online, yes. But some in person. But yeah, sad part is the online world has pulled idiocracy out in the open at this point. Or that’s at least where a lot of idiocracy lives these days. Sad really.

  1. Pingback: A helpful (and amusing) tool… « PolyForYou

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